From Friday the 13th to Today

Below is a compilation of everything from Friday the 13th (Haha!) to Today..

Friday 13th.March.2009
Although we lost to RI (by a close margin), but we were not upset because of that. My teammates and I were upset because the end of this National Competition signals the end of our debate career, and the last time we are debating together as a team.. Sobs. Thanks to my senior who gave my mates and I an encouragement talk. And, good job speakers! I'm very proud of you guys for managing so well when facing such a strong team! So don't blame yourselves for the loss!!! =) I'm gonna miss debating with my beloved pals and juniors.. But I'll still return to help out, so there! XD
For my beloved batch-mates (I saw this on a shirt): "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened!"

Saturday 14th.March.2009
4 hours together at the outdoor playground.. This is the 4th time we went there.. :)
Too bad, I love tickling you leh, and you didn't even kill me like you said you will when people tickle you. I think the most blissful moment of today is sleeping with my head on your shoulder and hugging your arm.. I must be the world's most fortunate girl!!! I couldn't bear to leave there.. Just wished that the 14400 seconds didn't pass so fast.. But well, happy moments always pass faster than sad times.
And I'm really in love with the song "Trust You". I can play it continuusly for 20 plus times and still not be sick of it.. Haha! =p
Oh well, wondering how I'm gonna survive through the weekend..

Sunday 15th.March.2009
I can't stand staying at home with my mom constantly mentioning the past that I really wish to forget!!! She's like making me more and more confused, and now she's like suffering from depression.. She's too stressed, thx to the son she so dotes on but won't appreciate her. She says she can wait for him, but she don't know whether her health will allow that.. Haiz. My poor mom. I just hope that she will become strong again and learn to put behind the past unhappiness. One has to learn to move on with life despite the obstacles right?

I'm seriously lovesick. But seeing his msgs can miraculously lift up my spirits.. =D Lol. He can really cheer me up! So despite my mom's incessant nagging, I'm still kinda joyful! Yippee! But I can't wait to see him tomorrow..

Monday 16th.March.2009
Chi Prelims: Omg. I suck. I didn't finish writing my narratiave and spent too much time on the situational writing. Great. Now I just wish I get at least 28/50 for my narrative.. Haiz. The most irritating thing was that we were made to bake our brains in the sun and wasted an hour thanks to people who didn't know how to shut up, then I was sitting right next to the glass door and the grass mower was very noisy! Argh!

Mom got a miscarriage. Unlike what the bastard thinks, this is no lie. Why would anyone joke or lie about the loss of an innocent life to get the sympathy of a bastard? Thank you very much, but I'm still sane. That bastard only broke his head and didn't even suffer from severe blood loss, whereas my family lost a new life, and my mom is still bleeding yet she refuses to go to the hospital. I'm so upset. I could have had another sibling, but thanks to the immaturity and lack of respect of a no-brainer, he murdered my sis/bro. He better not let me see him anytime soon, because I'll most probably do drastic things (not to the extent of dirtying my hands with an idiot's blood..). Darling sis/bro, please rest in peace. We did not have the affinity to meet.. SOBS.

Tuesday 17th.March.2009
Chi Oral: Ok lar, I just hope my crapping did not kill me.. I was totally freaking out when I realised I was the 4th person in my room to take the oral. And I was totally moodless. Despite a poor boy's attempts to cheer me up, I still couldn't help feeling pissed at the bastard, and feeling sad over the loss of my darling sibling..

After the oral, I met the boy at our usual place, and I had his shoulder until we left at about 10a.m... The most fruitful thing of today was him and Nicky coming to my house.. Woah! Finally, my mom no longer hates him, and even chatted a lot with him. Phew. Something finally seems to be going my way.. =D

Library camp: Yippee! I love it! Very fun! Though kinda sad cos didn't have enough time for me to have been totally enthusiastic, but nevertheless, I enjoyed the camp! A big thanks to the camp committee! Cheers! (Hope u guys liked the chocolates and cookies..) =)

I realised that my stamina has improved because I ran all the way from the fitness corner to the rooftop garden without stopping! So happy! Ok, I'm random again..

For the gift exchange, I got this really cute piggy bank, and thanks to it, I'm starting to save up now.. Thanks girl!

Wednesday 18th.March.2009
I'm dressed up in this black dress, with make-up (face powder, mascara, eye shadow, pink lip gloss)!!! I think I look..decent. Lol. Went to vivo city with mom and sis..

He's at his NCC camp.. Miss him a lot.. Haiz.. Just wish that I can meet up with him now.. Miss him to the extent of listening to Trust You all the way from Hougang to Harbourfront and back again..
This boy arh, forget all about dinner when playing soccer! Tsk..
And of all things to do, he got a back injury! Now I'm very worried.. He keep telling me very painful, cannot move and bathe etc. Great, I'm having a headache and stomachache from worrying about him. Please, let him be all right. My heart hurts as much as his back lurh (I guess so). Xin tong.

Thursday 19th.March.2009
Yippee! I spent 5 hours with him from 10am to 3pm at our favourite hideout. He was excused from the camp cos of his back injury, and it seems really bad. Helped him massage though he kept saying "don't need", I didn't even feel tired from doing it.

His NCC people were having this game and it coincidentally happened TOO near where we were, hence some of them saw the two of us together. Like I care. If not for some personal matters, I would have openly declared our relationship. But nvm, I just wish that they won't tease him too much and irritate him.. ^.^

At lunchtime, he refused to go down for lunch with his NCC mates cos he said the canteen food sucks. So, I don't want him to starve especially since he had a back injury to recuperate from, so I forced him to eat my lunch. After much coaxing, he finally relented and let me feed him.. So sweet! (Blushing la..) So we shared my lunch, and I didn't feel hungry though I didn't eat a lot. So happy! =D

After that, we were listening to songs on his handphone, and one of his friend kept bombarding him with phone calls and msgs to try and find out where is he. This mean boy didn't bother with his poor bored friend and went on to chat with me. We took a photo (our 2nd photo!), and I think it looks really great! Keep staring at it when I open my folder and see the pic on my phone.. Ok, I like 'fa hua chi' lurh. (sorry, dunno how to explain in english..)

3pm: Very sad, couldn't bear to leave. But since his poor friend really needed company, I'll have to be selfless and withstand the 41 hours till I next see him.. Haiz. Gonna miss him again!

Late in the night at 11.30pm: Believe it or not, I chatted with him from this time till 4am! Woah! Crap, serious talk..everything was worthwhile, cos I got to hear his voice for 4&1/2 hours straight, so I'm very elated! Cheers!

Friday 20th.March.2009
Finally, at least my computer table is neater le, cos I cleared it! I spent afternoon and night clearing it, a great sense of satisfaction and accomplishment! Yippee, I'm such a good girl. Ok, I'm self complimenting le.. Lol.

My mom made me go all the way to school with her to wait for that bastard to be dismissed from camp. In the end, we waited for close to 2hours, and that bastard didn't even appear.. Haiz. The sole reason I agreed to do such a stupid thing with her is because I was wishing I can see my boy.. I did get to see him, but only glimpses of his back cos my paranoid mom made me hide behind the pillar for fear of his beloved son (yuck) coming out anytime and seeing us. I was thinking when I was looking at his back that my poor boy has to carry so many heavy stuff on his own despite his back injury, and how I wished I could be there to help him.. Haiz. Sorry to have upsetted him cos of my immaturity and childishness when throwing tantrums, but thank goodness he is understanding of my plight and can tolerate me.

Saturday 21st.March.2009
Another 4 hours with him at the playground. Today, he finally took some initiatives (like the peck on my cheek, hugging me tight from the back), which shows that he's becoming more ready and less shy. Finally, I can let the guy take over the 'initiative baton' from me and give me surprises. Cheerio! (Huge grins :D)

My grandma's (dad's mom) birthday dinner! It's at Capital Square (my uncle said city square, taxi uncle didn't know where, then we were wasting taxi money..) and the restaurant is 'The Sail'. The ambience is so good! The lighting is soft and dim, they light candles on the table.. And the music they were playing are nice too! It's such a romantic place, extremely suitable for couples. =p I wish that I can one day go back there with the man of my life.. =)

Anyway, we placed our own individual orders for the set meals, which comes with main course, soups of the day, coffee or tea, and a dessert. We collected our soup first, so I took this beef and veg soup, which was really nice and went really well with the white toasted bread. For appetisers, my uncles and aunts ordered escargots (which I didn't eat cos it's gross), fried squid ring, half-cooked oyster with cheese and garlic bread with salmon and lemon in the center. Yummy! Then came the main course for the set meals we ordered. Mine was salmon, and it's really nice. The sauce was special (from what I tasted, there was milk, coconut, and some veg), and the fish was crispy for the skin and soft for the meat. Neither unfresh nor stale taste. The dessert was cream puff. The cream feeling was so full it oozed out when I bit the puff, and it's not too sweet. So if you are rich and wish to taste nice food in a romantic place, go to The Sail! Goodness gracious, I'm like advertising for them , but it's really worth it!

Sunday 22nd.March.2009
All I can think about is that it's finally school reopening tmr! This is one of those rare times when I look forward to going back to school. I can seek refuge in school from my mom's incessant nagging, depressing, emo-ing and crying before I go crazy, and I can see the boy I so love! Haha! Yi jian shuang diao. (Same meaning as hitting two birds with one stone)

Monday 23rd.March.2009
First day of term 2! Reached school at 6.45am so that I could meet him to pour out my sorrows. Poor him, need to hear me grumble on the 1st day of school.. Haha! But seeing him and having him staring at me and making me blush and laugh helped me to cheer up for the day.. =D

Until recess, when I received my house key and the ring the bastard returned. I had a hard time deciding whether to call and tell my mom, and in the end I did. My mom called me in the afternoon to tell me that she has decided to give up on the bastard and that she won't think of him anymore. Relief.. N I hope it will last..

Tuesday 24th.March.2009
Apparently, good things don't last for long. My mom went to some fortune-teller today, then she say the guy very accurate blah blah blah. So what? Even if that idiot is accurate and some pro, must I follow the so called "destiny" that I'm supposed to have? NO! I refuse to let my life be ruled just like that by some destiny I never knew of. I'm gonna create my own destiny, one that not a single fortune-teller can predict for me, and prove everyone else wrong. I already hate the feeling that my life is ruled by anyone else but me, I seem to have no control over my life which is in a turmoil now. I WANNA TAKE CHARGE OF MY OWN LIFE!!! Please people, give me the due respect I need, and don't assume that I'm still an immatured kid who will only do things the wrong way. Adults, please don't assume that everything is do is in the best interests of your child. If you want it to be so, then give your child the right to voice opinions and have a say in how his/her life is to be run. Give us the respect we need if you want us to respect you.

People who really understand me will know that what you see is not always the real me. Tomboy, disrespectful towards elders, arrogant, strong etc.. These are just a mask, a thick mask to conceal my true self, the other side of me. Most people probably assume what you see is what I am (even my own parents), but they fail to look beyond and see the concealed me.

Why the mask?
Tomboy - to appear more optimistic and cheerful and to be able to get along better with friends. Also so that I can use this character to do stupid things to cheer up my loved ones.
Disrespectful - I don't want to be this way. But I just wish that adults will please pay some attention to my views and actually listen to them. I'm used to having my own perspectives, so I'll argue for what I believe it. I don't mean any harm at all..
Arrogant - I'm an attention-seeker. I just wish that my parents will praise me for my good results or encourage me for my bad results, instead of being sarcastic and throwing hurting comments all the time. I'm trying to do well, but without support and recognition from my parents whom I'm supposed to trust, then how do I get the motivation to work harder?
Strong - Not to let my loved ones worry. A pretence.

Peel off the mask..
Feminine - Some people would have seen this side of me. Really, believe it or not, I do have this feminine side of me. Just that I don't show it to just anyone, and not even my parents know. For example, I'm starting to love wearing skirts and dresses and may go to the extent of wearing make-up for special occasions. Ok, I'm starting to really want to look pretty. So there.
Trying to be respectful - I'm trying very hard to talk nicely to my parents, but it's sometimes really very hard when there's no grounds for me to get my message across.. Haiz.
Trying to be less arrogant - You think I like to be told I'm an arrogant asshole? Obviously not! Just let my parents be nicer to me..
Weak - Really. I'm crumbling from within already thanks to the recent series of events in my life. Now, I'm scared and tired of life, as though life is hopeless and meaningless lurh. I'm very stressed and depressed la. I have never been strong. Weaker than ever now..

Give me a break. I don't know how long I'm going to take to heal le. People, let me get my life.

Wednesday 25th.March.2009
I feel very helpless. My mom scolds me for her "beloved son". I mean, wth. I don't want to be at home! Argh!

Thursday 26th.March.2009
Red eggs fell on both of our heads..wow. Invaded 2 playgrounds with him today.. Very happy at what happened today.. Omg, I can't stop grinning lurh!

We went to Hougang Point cos hist remedial was cancelled, so school ended at 4:15pm. Bought my favourite hot fudge sundae! Yummy! We stayed at our favourite playground till 7pm..

Although nobody talked to me at home except for my sis, but I really can't be bothered. I'm waiting for my prince to come and fetch me when I finally turn 21.. =p

Friday 27th.March.2009
We went to the 2nd playground during the long lunch break.. And today's boiled eggs! Haha! Lol. Then I went to buy snacks to fill my somewhat empty tummy.. Chonuun paego payo!

Tmr's sports day.. N he'll be sitting so far away.. Sad. I really think that one night is intolerable nowadays, what more weekends..

Cheers to everyone who actually read my blog! =D

School + Love = Great!

School:
File check for all subjects! Bad enough that I only got to sleep at 1plus a.m... I still have to finish 7 files and hand in by tmr!!! Argh. Kinda sad that school hoildays are coming, means I have less time to see him..

Love:
Erm, I think shy guys are really cute! But he has to talk more initiative and be less shy and make me shy as well. Hmm, sweet and blissful now.. that sweet feeling that melts your heart.. ai mei..

GREAT!
Finally settled some issues from previous relationship, removal of some stress lurh. Although Chi Prelims is juz next week, but knowing that I'm taking the same exam as him and always near him juz makes everything seems so easy.. =)

"Love is selfish. To be able to fight for what you love is truly what you love, when you understand the true meaning of love. Giving up is not the way to go, cos love is not an object that you can leave behind anytime. Take it, or leave it."

=)

1st post here =p

For those who know who I am, good for you...

Haiz, my life has been one messy emotional turmoil, as those of you who have seen me emo-ing would have noticed... I juz wish that ppl will stop controlling my life for me, I have the right to live a life of my own...

So there. Not been doing well for tests, another reason for depressing these few days. Lol.

"Love can be sweet for many, but also bitter for those hurt and have suffered..."

=p